Situational Friendship

You know how it is, you start a project and periodically, people disappear? You've gone on break with the person, eaten lunch together every day, and poof! Gone from the project and gone from your life.

I view workplace or volunteer situation friendships as situational. If something changes for one of you, chances are good you won't stay in touch. How many of your law school classmates, with whom you're not working or rooming, did you stay in touch with? If you're anything like me, there are a few and not necessarily the ones you expected to have continued contact with. My closest law school friend with whom I remained in touch is a woman who I met in the library and now lives in another country. I had lunch with her a couple weeks ago after not having seen her for the two years since she left and only sporadic contact via e-mail. She'll be back in the area in a few years and we'll pick up where we left off. No big deal.

People from work are the same way; I didn't go to law school immediately after college and remained in contact with a couple of people from work, as well as others I had met through them, for several years after leaving. I'm no longer in touch with any of those people and the only person from that workplace with whom I'm in contact is someone also on LinkedIn. I need to ask her to meet me for drinks or lunch or something to catch up. It was an interesting workplace and I could see that she has contacts who are still there.

There's even a more remote possibility of remaining in contact with people from projects; more so if they're longer projects, less on shorter projects. The nature of project work is such that it isn't a surprise if people disappear; and difficult to know why, unless you encounter them later. Either they were booted from the project, got a job or better project or were abducted by aliens. I suppose quitting in disgust is a possibility, but not for me, with my loans!

In any case, there's no reason to be surprised; most people don't share contact information immediately and in event of sudden departure, there's no way to know. The guy who sat across from me on the beginning of a project alluded to the possibility of contract work that paid better in his future. He mentioned it early in the week and was gone by the end of that week. I didn't think anything of it, but other people wondered why he didn't say goodbye. Not specifically, no, but he provided us sufficient information that we shouldn't have been surprised when he was gone.

Even exchanging contact information doesn't in any way mean you'll stay in touch. It's just the way of the world.